Selfish

I am fiercely selfish with this baby’s belly kicks with anyone other than Jeff. When people ask if he is kicking, I shake my head and look kind of sad. “No,” I tell them, “He must be napping.” The truth? He is moving and shaking at almost any given point in the day.

Sometimes, I do let them feel. I let them feel his movements, his little hands and feet moving around in me, pushing out and changing the shape of my belly. But more often than not, especially lately as we get closer to the end, I savor these feelings for myself.

I realize I am being selfish, that this baby is a welcomed gift from God, and I should want to share him with everyone, but there is something so special about being the only one who can feel him. I know once he gets here I will sometimes have to wait my place in line to hold him, to cuddle him and coo at him, and that his movements will be there for everyone to see. And I am enjoying that right now, he is as close to me as he will ever be, because once he is born, he begins moving towards independence and away from me, and for now I will selfishly hold on to him for as long as I can.